Today a friend sent me an email and wished me happy holidays. She remarked how this must be a magical time of year for me and my children.
I looked at that word magical in disbelief.
I’m spinning around in a tornado of sick kids, school events, too-much-snow, bad traffic, birthday party to pull off and end-of-year deadlines at work.
(I’m tempted to add some single-parent woes, but suffice it to say that everything is tougher to pull off when your kids outnumber you and you need to be in three places at once.)
Yeah, some magic would be nice right about now. Magic to clean my house and make me a cup of coffee!
… I suppose she might have said magical because my kids are young enough to believe in Santa. And get excited each morning to find where the Elf on the Shelf is hiding (even though I forget to move him about half of the time). My littlest one is still in love with Rudolph and wants to make reindeer food for him for Christmas Eve. And they love looking at Christmas lights each night when we drive home.
Okay, I guess there is a bit of magic, even in the tornado.
But feeling the magic during such a hectic time of year is hard. For me anyways, and I know I’m not alone on that one.
The truth is that it’s a hard time of year for a reason. Not only are there more obligations and tasks to accomplish, there are also more reminders. Reminders that our family is different now than the way it began.
This will be our third Christmas as a family of three instead of four. It’s true, what they say, about things getting easier in time. Although what they don’t tell you is that the cliche doesn’t apply to holidays.
That even when I work so hard to make Christmas special (which is also my little one’s 5th birthday), we still only spend a few hours of it together. The kids leave at 10 a.m. Christmas day to spend the day and night with their father.
Out of nowhere, Avery asked me yesterday, “Mom, you just really want to get married again, don’t you?” It stopped me in my tracks. She’s too little to remember what went wrong the first time or what it felt like to be in a house with married (and sadly, very unhappy) parents. But I think she gets the fact that there’s something missing or different.
“Yes,” I answered. “I do want to get married again someday. But that will be a long time from now.”
I’ll take some magic now, please.
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