Posts from ‘divorce’


Image by Nicolas Raymond, Creative Commons License.

When my marriage ended, nearly five years ago, I didn’t know anyone my age who had been through the same thing, especially not anyone with small children. I longed for someone to talk to who would understand first hand what I was going through.

Now, sadly, more and more of my friends are also getting divorced. Nearly every month or so I get a call or email from a friend, acquaintance or blog reader looking for advice and comfort – hoping to talk to someone who understands. And while I’m always sad to hear about anyone struggling in their relationship, I’m grateful I’m able to lend an ear and offer a few tidbits of experience that may help.

I’m certainly no expert on divorce, nor do I want to be. I’m not an attorney or counselor or a minister and I’m certainly not a relationship expert. But as someone who has been through a divorce, I know some of my personal experiences can help others when they find themselves in this very difficult situation. Here are some of the things I share with friends looking for help: 

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Santa & me circa 1978.

Today a friend sent me an email and wished me happy holidays. She remarked how this must be a magical time of year for me and my children.

I looked at that word magical in disbelief.

Shock, even.

I’m spinning around in a tornado of sick kids, school events, too-much-snow, bad traffic, birthday party to pull off and end-of-year deadlines at work.

(I’m tempted to add some single-parent woes, but suffice it to say that everything is tougher to pull off when your kids outnumber you and you need to be in three places at once.)

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today was one of those days.

one of those days when I ran from meeting to meeting.

used the F word way more than I should

because strange things kept happening.

I rushed from work to kid pick-ups (two places)

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The first spring after my divorce, my neighbor said, “you’re growing a forest up there,” pointing to my gutters. My heart sank. I told him that I was single now and had absolutely no idea how to clean gutters, let alone use a ladder.

He and his wife took pity on me and cleaned my gutters. I was eternally grateful, and the kids and I brought them a small plant and note to thank them.

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Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 36. And someone important to me was getting married, so I spent it celebrating with the groom, his new wife and a handful of friends. Some people expressed surprise that I’d spend my birthday at a wedding. The way I see it, you get a lot of birthdays, you only get two or three weddings.

Just kidding. Kind of.

Today is Mother’s Day. The weather is gorgeous! I’m taking the kids to a baseball game. Not something I would typically choose to do on Mother’s Day, but the St. Paul Saints is having a special section for families with food allergies today and it will be much, much more safe for my child who has peanut allergies. I know my kiddos will love it, and so, despite the fact that baseball is the slowest, most boring sport I’ve ever seen, we will go and have fun.

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