Posts from ‘divorce’


In today’s age of compulsive-selfies and over-sharing online, our Facebook and Twitter streams are filled with happy pictures and stories about our friends and family.

But some things don’t get talked about online. Especially when we are struggling in our jobs or marriages.

In the last few years, I can’t tell you how many friends and acquaintances have confided in me about their failing marriages and asked for advice because I’ve been in their shoes.

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Image by Nicolas Raymond, Creative Commons License.

When my marriage ended, nearly five years ago, I didn’t know anyone my age who had been through the same thing, especially not anyone with small children. I longed for someone to talk to who would understand first hand what I was going through.

Now, sadly, more and more of my friends are also getting divorced. Nearly every month or so I get a call or email from a friend, acquaintance or blog reader looking for advice and comfort – hoping to talk to someone who understands. And while I’m always sad to hear about anyone struggling in their relationship, I’m grateful I’m able to lend an ear and offer a few tidbits of experience that may help.

I’m certainly no expert on divorce, nor do I want to be. I’m not an attorney or counselor or a minister and I’m certainly not a relationship expert. But as someone who has been through a divorce, I know some of my personal experiences can help others when they find themselves in this very difficult situation. Here are some of the things I share with friends looking for help: 

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Santa & me circa 1978.

Today a friend sent me an email and wished me happy holidays. She remarked how this must be a magical time of year for me and my children.

I looked at that word magical in disbelief.

Shock, even.

I’m spinning around in a tornado of sick kids, school events, too-much-snow, bad traffic, birthday party to pull off and end-of-year deadlines at work.

(I’m tempted to add some single-parent woes, but suffice it to say that everything is tougher to pull off when your kids outnumber you and you need to be in three places at once.)

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today was one of those days.

one of those days when I ran from meeting to meeting.

used the F word way more than I should

because strange things kept happening.

I rushed from work to kid pick-ups (two places)

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The first spring after my divorce, my neighbor said, “you’re growing a forest up there,” pointing to my gutters. My heart sank. I told him that I was single now and had absolutely no idea how to clean gutters, let alone use a ladder.

He and his wife took pity on me and cleaned my gutters. I was eternally grateful, and the kids and I brought them a small plant and note to thank them.

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