Just kidding. Kind of.

Today is Mother’s Day. The weather is gorgeous! I’m taking the kids to a baseball game. Not something I would typically choose to do on Mother’s Day, but the St. Paul Saints is having a special section for families with food allergies today and it will be much, much more safe for my child who has peanut allergies. I know my kiddos will love it, and so, despite the fact that baseball is the slowest, most boring sport I’ve ever seen, we will go and have fun.

So in a way, sure, this weekend is about me – having a birthday, celebrating Mother’s Day – but it’s really not. It’s about my friend getting married and being very, very happy for him, and it’s about my kids enjoying something we typically wouldn’t get to do. And for many reasons, this makes me happy.

Even just a few years ago, I was very territorial about May holidays – my birthday, Mother’s Day and my wedding anniversary were all within a week of each other. I hated having them all jammed together like that. I wanted to celebrate my days, each of them separately. And then something happened. Divorce. And I lost every hope and desire of having the “perfect life” or the “perfect family.” Where before my unhealthy marriage and feelings of brokenness were hidden on the inside, now my imperfections were crystal clear for the entire world to see. A broken home. A single mom. Two little ones.

And suddenly NOTHING was about me anymore. It was all about the kids. Keeping everything as stable as possible for them. Being there for them in every way in every moment. Learning how to be the Mom and the Dad – learning how to do manual labor things like mowing the lawn. Working extra hard at my job so I can at least keep security in where my next paycheck is coming from. When you are doing everything by yourself, it’s a totally different ball game.

The meaning of the words mother and motherhood have changed a number of times in my life. It meant something different for me

..as a child.

as a teenager.

as a single woman.

as a new mother and wife.

as a single parent.

I’m sure it will continue to evolve and change. Someday, maybe, I’ll become a Step-Mom or a Grandmother and it will evolve again. One thing I’ve learned that I believe will continue to hold true, is that there is very little room for selfishness in the heart of a mother. Being a mother means giving of yourself, in so many ways – physically, emotionally, financially… as well as teaching and cooking and playing and doing homework and going to sports practice and calendar planning and laundry (so much laundry!) and loving.

Yes, mostly loving.

I’ve always loved children and I’ve always wanted to be a Mom. It is by far the most important work I’ll ever have on this Earth. God has given me two beautiful children to love and care for and so this Mother’s Day I celebrate them – and how honored I am to be their Mom.

And I also celebrate and honor all the amazing women I have the privilege of knowing and sharing this journey of motherhood. The love and support we have for each other as women and mothers is so meaningful and amazing. Your friendship means the world to me and lifts me up. Thank you. May you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. I’m off to a baseball game.

A new book about potty issues for little and big kids. Accidents, bed wetting, constipation, UTIs... all covered with important facts and hope for parents and kids.

I ignored the first e-mail that came my way asking if I’d like to review a new book about potty issues for kids called It’s No Accident: Breakthrough Solutions to Your Child’s Wetting, Constipation, UTIs, and Other Potty Problems. Nobody really likes talking about this issue, and even if I’m struggling with some of these issues in my home, I really didn’t want to talk about it publicly.

The truth is… I really needed to read this book. And if you are a parent with a child who struggles with any of these issues — bed wetting, accidents, constipation or UTIs — you should read this book, too.

I’m glad I finally said yes when the PR folks came around the second time. Here are some of the topics covered in the book:

• Potty accidents are not normal – they can be caused by physical issues or stress – the most common cause being physical.

• Chronically holding poop or pee makes a child’s body go haywire – you can help get your child on a schedule and provide the right setting to help them go regularly and stop holding it.

• Children can poop daily and still be constipated – Dr. Hodges asserts that even if your child poops regularly, even every day, they could have a stored mass of poop in their colon – the size of a softball or even a cantaloupe! The only way to confirm this is via x-ray.

• Virtually all bed wetting is caused by undiagnosed constipation – If there is a large mass of poop stored in the colon, it leaves little room for the bladder. Dr. Hodges cites many, many cases where he is able to eliminate bed wetting with his clients by focusing on constipation first. Many times people focus on the bladder first, but this is useless if the bladder is being pressed on.

• 25 percent of 5-year-olds have wetting problems – this is higher than I expected, one out of four is a big number. This is probably because we don’t all talk about our kids potty problems on Facebook the same way we talk about their achievements. It’s embarrassing for the kids and the parents, yet we are starved for answers – more than just “it’s normal.”

• Kids who trained earliest and most easily tend to develop the worst problems – interestingly this goes against the crunchy elimination communication theory and all the potty boot-camps to get kids out of diapers as early as possible.

• Wiping from front to back does not prevent UTIs – interesting information on UTIs, debunking what causes them (wiping, baths) and sharing real facts and diagrams on what causes them (mainly kids holding their pee!).

For my children’s privacy, I’m not going to share specifics about which of my children is struggling with which issues, but I will share that as a parent I felt relieved and empowered reading this book. There were a number of things that really opened my eyes. I read the entire book in one morning (because it was so compelling) and I found myself jotting down notes and made my own action plan of 10 new things I can try in our home. TEN new things?! That’s pretty empowering compared to the “Be patient – they’ll grow out of it approach” that frustrates so many parents.

I’ve already told a few friends about this book and want to share it with all of you, too. I highly recommend you get a copy of this book for you or anyone else you know struggling with constipation, bed-wetting, UTIs or accidents. You can learn more about It’s No Accident on their official website or on Facebook.

I’m giving away one copy of It’s No Accident to a reader. Simply leave a comment below to be entered by Friday, May 11 at midnight.  Giveaway closed, winner was JoAnn K, who was drawn at random and notified. Thanks everyone!

Dr. Hodges also agreed to answer your questions as a guest of my Expert Q&A series – leave a question in the comments below (feel free to be anonymous) or e-mail directly with your question. I’ll compile the questions and send them to him, then post his responses soon.

Allina Health is giving out these awesome "Wellness Kits" to the first 500 families to attend the kickoff event at the Mpls Farmers Market, Sunday 4/29.

I get pretty excited about giving back to support the health of the community, both personally and professionally, that’s why I’ve focused my career on non-profits and healthcare. Occasionally I share some of the cool things happening where I work on this blog if there’s a way for you to get involved or benefit from a cool program.

This week Allina Health is launching Neighborhood Health Connection- a new program to help communities get healthy, one neighborhood at a time. If you live in Minnesota or western Wisconsin, watch this short video about the program and the cool Wellness Kits we are giving away at the kickoff event at the Minneapolis Farmers Market, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Sunday.

Typically we want projects to be completed quickly, cheaply and of the best quality possible. And being the Type A, over-achieving person that I am, I often try to hit all three of these as hard as I can. The triple constraint model above is a project management tool that shows how these three areas need to stay in balance. You manage time lines, budget and scope of a project so you can deliver your goals on time and on budget. More often than not, project needs change, or we are forced to prioritize one of the areas, throwing the balance out of whack. For example, if you need something done faster than you expected, you will need to decrease the scope (the overall project deliverables or the quality of those items) and/or pay more. If you don’t, the project suffers. It’s okay to prioritize cost, or time, or quality… you just have to be willing to sacrifice one of the others.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how I choose my priorities at home and parenting… does the same triple constraint model apply? I think it does! Here are some examples:

I would like to always feed my children nutritious, organic meals that are quick and easy to prepare and don’t cost a lot of money. It’s okay to laugh, I just did! The fact is that the most nutritious, organic meals are the goal – what I know is best for my children and what I would love to feed them. But then there are time and money constraints… I simply cannot afford to buy entirely organic food, it’s too expensive. Have you seen how much organic meat costs? I just can’t do it. So we have organic dairy and some fruits and vegetables, and buy limited process foods but keep the ingredient lists as clean as possible. Here I’m sacrificing quality for money. Some days I am very limited on time and can’t prepare a meal – so we hit a drive thru restaurant. Here I’m prioritizing time over quality.

I would like quality time every day with my children doing educational/cultural activities that doesn’t cost much money. My biggest constraint here is time. As a working mom, I spend my days at the office and we only have about 3 hours per evening together. While I always devote time to routines each evening, such as dinner, reading books and cuddling, there are some evenings when my work comes home with me and my kiddos don’t get my full attention. We focus most of our quality time together on the weekends (well, every-other-weekend really), when the kids can have much more of my undivided attention and we can enjoy activities together. I definitely take a hit here on the money constraint – since we don’t have a lot of time together to do the activities, I’m willing to pay for activities I know we’ll all enjoy.

I would like my house to be clean with little time invested and no cost. If you know me well, you know that what I prioritize here is my time and money over a clean house. I choose not to have a super-clean house because I don’t want to spend my precious free time cleaning. It’s well lived in at all times… not gross, but definitely not pristine! If I cared about it more, I would spend more time cleaning (taking time away from my kids or doing things I love). Or I could spend the money on a housekeeper to do it for me.

Just like projects shift at work in terms of scope, time lines and budget, I make decisions every day about what is important to me in my personal life. I’m sure you do, too. Obviously, we can’t be perfect all the time in every area of our lives. We juggle. And sacrifice. And continually re-assess if we are spending our time and money and energy in the right ways. Remembering that we can choose our priorities and shift the other pieces around can be freeing.

Can you relate? Do you find the triple constraint model holds true in your personal life? How about with exercise? Diet? Parenting?

Our food allergy friend Leslie traveled to visit our family, all because of food allergies

Thanks so much to all of you who offered support, suggestions and comfort over the past week about our food allergy scare. We still don’t know what caused it (cross contamination or possibly a new allergy to watermelon). We are in limbo until we meet with our allergist. Unfortunately, to my shock and dismay, we experienced a second scary food allergy reaction just a few days later. This time it was a food mix up in my home where she accidentally drank out of the wrong cup and ingested cow’s milk – an allergen we thought she had almost outgrown. I don’t know how many swallows of the milk she had, but I caught her within seconds of putting the cup to her mouth. Still,  she had a reaction, involving severe swelling and redness of her face, rubbing of the eyes, some coughing and a touch of wheezing here and there. It was terrifying for me, as I knew we were getting closer and closer to needing to call 911. Whereas the reaction a few days earlier subsided quickly, this one took a long time – upwards of 20 minutes to calm down. The longer it took, the more terrified I became. (EDITED TO NOTE: Upon reviewing this reaction with the allergist, he pointed out that in the future this type of situation WOULD require administering the EpiPen and calling 911. I had misunderstood the term “repetitive coughing” and the severity of the situation. Fortunately she is okay, but I was very disappointed to learn I had not acted swiftly enough. I’ll save all the emotional baggage that comes with this for my therapist, but felt an obligation to share it with my readers).

Interestingly we have a food challenge test scheduled to give Avery milk in the allergist’s office later this month because her blood test and skin test indicated she may be able to consume dairy again… Obviously I’ve canceled the challenge. The aftermath of this latest reaction was far more severe than the first one. I was very emotional that first night and the next day at work. The stress of this situation made it nearly impossible for me to sleep. I’ve learned that as a parent, managing serious, life-threatening situations with our children can actually be a trauma for our mind, body and spirit. Two days later, I’m still feeling the impact of it emotionally and physically.

However, not all food allergy news is depressing – and thank God for that. We had a special visitor two weeks ago, Leslie. We first met on Twitter through the #foodallergy hashtag (a hashtag is a way to talk with others about shared topics of interest). Leslie was recently diagnosed with food allergies to tree nuts, soy (soybeans, vegetable oil) and seeds (sesame, poppy, etc.). Leslie and I bonded over Twitter one day when she was live-tweeting about a food allergy reaction she was having and I became concerned. I could tell her symptoms were getting worse and it sounded very dangerous. I was worried and was doing my best to convince her to get into a hospital ASAP. It can be very disorienting in the middle of a food allergy reaction and most of us try to minimize the symptoms or try to wait it out to see if it will get better. We ended up trading phone numbers and then texted and talked until she was seen by a doctor in the ER. Her allergist confirmed her experience was anaphyaxis (the worst, most life-threatening kind).

Since then, Leslie and I have continued to talk about food allergies, sharing ideas and resources. She even called me her “Twitter Mom” once which is super cute, but I’m only about 10 years older than her.  Leslie took a road trip to Minnesota from Indiana to visit me and the kids. It was great for Avery to meet an adult with food allergies and be able to see that Leslie has to watch what she eats carefully (only “safe” foods), pack a lunch to go places to eat and carry a medicine kit, just like her. We spent a lot of our time talking about food allergy symptoms and treatments, grocery shopping and comparing notes about ingredient labels, and eating, of course (I made a couple special meals that were safe for everyone – Leslie said it was a real treat!). We also had a lot of fun showing her the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden and the Mall of America. Isn’t it amazing how social media brings people together? I’m so grateful to have met Leslie and and for my entire family to have this special connection with her.

In other news, I am excited to share that last month I was appointed to the Board of Directors for the Food Allergy Support Group of MN. This is a fabulous group that helped me and family so much, especially in the first year of my daughter’s food allergy dianosis. It has an amazing support system ready to help families through meetings (in person and online), fun (safe) events, a food allergy book library, a buddy system and more. I’ve volunteered to consult and work on a few marketing projects the past few years, which has been fun. I’m obviously passionate about the topic of food allergies – helping others and advocating for greater food allergy awareness and sensitivity. I’m honored to formally serve on the board to serve and support the local food allergy community.

Friends, thanks again for walking this journey with us – it’s not an easy one, for sure, but your support means a lot!

p.s. for more information and articles about our food allergy journey, see my Food Allergies tab on the top menu bar. I also hope you’ll connect with me on Facebook!